Monday, April 18, 2005

Some Questions I'd Like Answered!

We all have those little things in life that bother us, that make us ask "What the bleeding 'eck is that about?". Here are some of mine I'd like to share with you. As I live in the States, these are a bit America-centered. Apologies to those abroad who don't get the references.

Some Questions I’d Like Answered

1. Just what branch of the military did Colonel Saunders serve in?
2. Is “Beefaroni” a real Italian word?
3. Is there anyone alive who can explain the rules of jai-alai?
4. Does “Coke” have coal in it or cocaine, or a combination of the two?
5. How does the fact that Scientology was developed by a science fiction writer give it credibility? (Related question: Do Scientologists have a sense of humour?)
6. If you hit a bad golf shot in Spain, do you shout “Cuatro!”?
7. What is it about skunks that make some people want to have one as a pet, the stench or the rabies?
8. Just which planet in the Orion constellation was Yul Brynner from anyway?
9. In the correlation between brain damage and helmetless motorcyclists...which comes first?
10. Is it true that the sound of Desi Arnez’s laugh could shatter cinderblocks from up to 40 feet?
11. When postmen go berserk and start shooting, how is it that their first targets aren’t dogs?
12. What does Dave Barry do for a living?....No, really? A very funny guy, but how does he earn his money?
13. When you smell flatulence, aren’t you just inhaling air that has resided in someone else’s colon? On second thought, don't answer that.
14. How to you tell the difference between someone holding up the “peace” sign, the “victory” sign and the “gimme two pints, mate” sign?
15. If “two’s company” and “three’s a crowd”, is four “two companies” or “a crowded three”?
16. Shouldn’t water polo be played with horses or is it played with horses and we can’t see them because they’re underwater?
17. Was Jesse Jackson one of the Jackson Five? Did he write the lyrics to ABC? Is that why he rhymes so well?
18. Why don’t the swimsuit contestants in the Miss America Pageant ever swim during the pageant? Are they all aquaphobic, or is the body tape they use to keep the suits in place non-water repellent?
19. Just what the heck is the frequency, Kenneth? And what’s on that channel anyway, the Psychotic Network?
20. Do the Academic Deans at the University of North Carolina ever get ticked off because Dean Smith, the former basketball coach, gets called Dean even though he’s not one?
21. When Bob Dylan sang, “Hey, Mr. Tambourine a song for me”, what was the guy supposed to play...Bolero?
22. Did the person who invented bell bottom jeans have really big ankles?
23. Are people who practice body-piercing just trying to say,” I enjoy pain very, very much” or do they just wish they had ears all over their bodies?
24. Getting back to Yul Brynner, is it true that he was the only passenger of the “Roswell” spaceship?
25. What’s the deal with donuts and cops? Do the donuts remind them remind them of handcuffs?
26. Do people change lanes without signalling because they're brainless cretins, or do they just think the rest of us really like surprises?
27. Do you find people who ask a lot of questions annoying? What about people who make lists?